Where is my mind?
by Kima-Neko
Summary: Suikoden IV   He is afraid of using the Rune of Punishment... but in order to save the people of Obel, he might have to. ONE SHOT.


That night, he leaves the royal palace in silence. In all the time he has lived in Obel – three months now if he isn't mistaken – Lazlo has never been so tired.

Today has been a long, long day. Not only has there been an assassination attempt on his life (which he might have to get used to now, because Graham Cray certainly won't forget he's bearing that wretched Rune), he has spent the entire afternoon in the palace talking to the king. Which in itself isn't that hard, but whenever Lazlo meets the king, he also meets his advisor, Setsu.

And Setsu irritates him so, so much.

He does understand that the man cares greatly for the Kingdom of Obel, it's his homeland after all. Lazlo likes the island, too, it's quiet and peaceful and he has come to really get along with everyone. Even the princess – Flare – seems to like him and Lazlo is okay with that.

What he's not okay with are the demands Setsu has made today. That he has to use to the Rune in order to protect Obel from whatever danger there might be. That it is his duty because he is the reason the kingdom is in danger.

That his own life isn't worth anything.

And he feels so, so tired. Since the Rune of Punishment has chosen him as its bearer, Lazlo has not slept properly. He has passed out several times, but a good night's sleep? Nu-uh. Not a chance. He's tired. He wants to sleep.

But he knows that there will be nightmares once he closes his eyes and he doesn't want to see or hear them just one night. He's tired of hearing screams and echoes of the thoughts of past bearers, tired of the Rune's whispers whenever he tries to get some rest.

A sigh escapes Lazlo's lips as he slowly makes his way back to the quarters Lino has set aside for him and his companions. The full moon lights the night while he slowly follows the path and tries to remember what it was like when he has led a normal life.

Well, as normal as it could be for someone who had been washed ashore in Razril with no memory whatsoever of his previous life... He misses the Knights of Gaien. Misses his friends, Tal and Jewel, who have stayed behind but still believed in his innocence.

But more than anything, he misses Snowe. He hasn't forgotten that was Snowe who has betrayed him, that he had to leave because of him, being accused of a murder he has not committed.

But he hasn't forgotten also that it was Snowe who has found him on the beach of Razril, that it was Snowe who has insisted on taking him in.

He sighs again. There's no going back now...

Just as he is about to turn around a corner, an alarm goes off somewhere on the island. Lazlo jumps and looks at the sea.

Seemingly appearing out of nowhere, there a ships that are directly headed for the island. And from the look of it, these are not just random merchant ships – they are a fleet of battleships. And they're attacking the island.

Canon shots ring out in the night and Lazlo stares in utter shock as the first Rune canon ball hits the lower town with such a force that he can feel the earth tremble under his feet. More of them are coming down, exploding throughout the island.

But he just stands there, unmoving, as the Rune cries out in his mind, enraged, blood thirsty, willing him to act, to use it, to let it drain life from others. He can no longer hear the screams of the citizens, the thunder of the Rune canons, the explosions.

Instead, he hears Setsu's voice telling him to use the Rune on behalf of the people of Obel. He hears the Rune's voice, ethereal and powerful, ordering him to call upon its powers.

Snowe's voice accusing him of murder.

He can't use the Rune. He won't.

The Rune of Punishment screams in his mind and he shudders from the sheer force of the impact it has on his soul, on his very being.

And still, he fights his way back into consciousness, gaining control of his body again, blinking himself back into reality. Lazlo doesn't know how much time has passed, but in the light of the pale blue moon – almost hidden behind all the smoke coming from the lower part of the island – he can make out other ships among the enemy ships. Ships he does recognize.

The Royal Fleet of Obel.

Which means that somewhere out there, Lino en Kuldes himself is fighting. And he's fighting a losing battle because the enemy is winning by sheer number.

The Rune wails in his mind now, caught between blood lust and rage. And he can't shake it off, can't tell it to shut up because it's too powerful, because it's crushing his will and his strength with everything it has.

And much to his chagrin, it has a lot more than he does.

He can't resist any longer – but as he watches the burning town through the haze of the smoke and the Rune's consciousness that has taken over his mind, he decides that he doesn't want to resist anyway. The people of Obel have been good to him, have taken him in where others have turned away from him.

He cannot let them down.

Lazlo raises his left hand without being aware of doing so. The Rune rejoices and for a short moment, it doesn't feel hostile towards him anymore, seems to pity him. But the moment passes before he can fully grasp the feeling or understand it.

And as the Rune's power rushes through his body, erupting from his left hand, he can feel it draining his life away.

But this time, he's okay with it. He has no other choice. And this way, he can give back at least a little bit to the people who have been kind enough to accept him in their midst.


End file.
